Time passes,

people change,

and feelings never stay the same.

Life goes on,

friendships die,

and there isn’t always someone to hold you when you cry.

In this life,

there are few,

that will love,

you for you.

Broken hearts,

can’t be fixed,

so stop trying,

all the tricks.

This is life,

dark and dull,

without a Savior,

to light your soul.

He won’t take,

away the pain,

but He will teach,

how a joyful life you may attain.

People hate,

friends lie,

but this is no justification,

for wanting to die.

If you can’t tell,

when love is true,

look to God above,

He is showing you.

His arms are outstretched,

to show you something new,

to give you something,

that alone you cannot do.

He wants to give you joy,

He wants to give you peace,

He wants to give you love,

in the midst of everything.

He cannot lie,

He cannot die,

and He can change,

you and I.

Dark will turn to light,

broken hearts will be renewed,

and the things we used to know,

will no longer be true.

He will teach you how to separate,

fact from fiction,

love from addiction.

He will help you stay strong,

through all the pain,

and through every rain.

This world isn’t perfect,

we shouldn’t even try,

because no matter what we did,

it would still be one big lie.

But now that I have Jesus,

I see a whole new light,

I am no longer blind,

I have a new set of eyes.

I’m smiling through the pain,

I’m dancing in the rain,

this is the life,

He has helped me to attain.

I choose not to lie,

I cannot die,

and now I want to share with you,

the love and joy i can call mine.

I am His follower,

He is my light,

and I’m going to show everyone,

just how bright I can shine!

An important part of how I have landed on being a pacifist involves my struggle with my identity and my country. Let me explain.

In the summer of 2007, I had an experience that continues to challenge me.  As a summer missionary, I spent close to four months crossing the Southern border of the United States while living principally in a small community on the outskirts of Juarez, Mexico.  As one can imagine, an extended amount of time in this infamous city would be nothing short of an education for a kid who was born and raised in the 11th safest city in these United States.

That summer, a line on a map and a fence guarded by guns served as reminders of the two worlds which I inhabited seemingly simultaneously.  6 days a week I slept on the dusty concrete floor of a church in the desert. 1 night a week I slept in an air conditioned room in the El Paso Econolodge.  6 days a week water was scarce, contaminated, and delivered by trucks. 1 day a week, water was taken for granted, showers were abundant, and wouldn’t make me sick.  6 days a week I prayed with my new friends for “daily bread”. 1 day a week the churches thanked God for His blessings.   One side of the fence afforded grass and football stadiums while the other had a concrete soccer slab with no nets.

The border, for the first time, became not solely a symbol of protection but much less. It was reduced to a hassle.  Going one way, I had to be sure to be carrying less than a certain amount of new merchandise per person in order to avoid taxes.  Going the other, I needed a passport, no plants, a consistent story, and sometimes a good deal of patience (they once X-rayed the entire bus!).   As I met more and more friends, my conception of what it meant to live on the border changed.  No one wanted to give up a life with their family, abandon their spouses, get a free pass, or even to cross the border if they could avoid it.  The majority of the people I met simply wanted to be able to earn a living wage, to be able to share life meaningfully with the people they cared about, and to leave your family better off than how you found it.  They knew the same thing I knew — the likelihood of accomplishing that goal was very diminished greatly because of the side of the fence they were born on.  From this I learned sympathy, but that barely begins to describe what I learned.

In our first week at our ministry site, we were invited to the home of a family in the community for a cookout.  It was here that I got my first taste of authentic Mexican cooking and hospitality alike. We enjoyed getting to know them.  I was fed a steak. So were my three other team members.  The family did not eat steak.  They simply wanted to give us the best they had and didn’t want to be noticed for it.  It would be weeks before I realized the sacrifice that family made to feed me well. They had been out of work for a while and medical problems jeopardized their future.  They had given without expectation. These people are the salt of the Earth, so why do they not get running water like I have?

I then met more and more of the community and church members.  We shared in the things of the Lord.  Pastor spoke of the calling the Lord has placed on his life and how the Lord had provided for close to 20 years every single need that his family and the church and Christian school had needed.  Several time during that summer we would pray for a specific need to be met, and it would be just in time.  One time, Pastor needed to drive into the city for a meeting and had no gas.  That morning a team member handed him a letter from her family in Puerto Rico with the exact amount for the trip. This was common.  It was as if I was watching the bush burn in front of my eyes and not be consumed.  I began to grasp the power of faith the size of mustard seed, even in the arid arrangements in which we lived.

This began the unraveling of my identity as an American Christian.  Granted, I am today still an American and also still a Christian.  But I must say that I find much more of my identity of in Christ than in being an American.  I’m not against America, but I consider myself a citizen of this nation by happenstance rather than choice.  It was then when I first began to be able to separate national progress, prosperity, and defense from the true call of God on my life.  I have one true, eternal, political allegiance and it is to the King who now rules and will one day rule entirely and before our own eyes.  Our kingdoms, constitutions, and policies will one day come to an end either in the course of human events or in that twinkling of an eye, so I do not consider it foolish to be a man who attempts at giving my allegiance to Christ the King and to make my primary interest in life to teach other about his Kingdom of grace and truth.

Christ holds my allegiance. Dismantling my identity and security as a citizen of the United Stated was simply another step in my path towards pacifism.  It is not so much the disgust at some of the specific injustices of US domestic and foreign policy and history that lead me to this point (although admittedly they DO exist).  It is the greater truth and beauty that Christ is already Lord of all and that his first and greatest command to love must take precedence.  My spiritual reorientation to Christ will have to be another post.

Grace and peace,

Cwillz

For sale is my 2 door 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit.  Asking $13,000 OBO.
Featuring:

• 21MPG City / 29 MPG Highway
• 170 horsepower w/ 6 speed Automatic Transmission w/ Tipronic function (you can control shifting).
• Heated mirrors
• CD/mp3 player (for your mixed tapes road trip jams cd)
• Aux sound hookup for mp3 player
• Vented glove box (can blow AC into box)…not sure why, but would be good for insulin? eggs??
• Cruise Control
• One touch power windows (looks cool in the drive through)
• Infrared night light (so you don’t dilate your pupils on stake-outs)
• (2) Switchblade key fobs (easily the coolest key on the market)
• (1) Valet Key (all ballas gotz 2 have one)
• (2) Aux power sockets
• (3) Cupholders (You know she’ll ask)
• Back seats fold forward (at least 5 bodies)
• Car Seat Anchors

As of this posting there are 33,728 miles on the car. The car is clean and in great shape. The paint is in good shape. There are a few minor dings and scuffs, but overall the car looks great. The windshield does have a “rainbow” scratch on the driver’s side from wiper.

The front tires are new (less than 3000 miles) and rear tires are at about 50%. Full size spare also about 50%.

Blue Book Value Link

Email is checked frequently or you can call or text 812.Three 74. Eight 154

cwillz [at] gmail . com

Over the next few posts I will be writing about how I came to be a pacifist. For whatever reason, this area of my life has come up in alot of conversations recently and I get the feeling that I’ve misrepresented myself or haven’t really offered a sufficient explanation as to what I mean when I say that I am a pacifist or why. For the sake of clarity, let me begin with my personal definition. For me, being a pacifist means that I believe it would be wrong for me to kill another human being or go to war.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve hated conflict. I’m a younger brother, so I know what a fight is like. I have to say that life as a young child wasn’t easy for me. My older brother tried to kill me on multiple occasions while I was in the crib and really didn’t relent his attacks on me until almost the time he was legally allowed to drive. Some of my earliest memories are of him hitting me or poking me and me turning my back because I really didn’t like to fight. As much as I wanted him to stop, I hated fighting him back and I learned early that revenge never brought satisfaction. The times when I did fight and drew his blood never left me feeling smug and content. How could I be happy about that?

From the perspective that my early childhood shaped who I am today, it makes sense that I would not become a man who took pleasure in being violent. Maybe it helped that I learned early that retaliation never got me what I wanted. BUT there still seems to be a big gap (for most people) between not liking to fight your older brother and opposing war categorically. I agree, there is a big gap….that is why there will be more posts about this subject.

So there is contributing influence #1 of how I became a pacifist. My brother beat me. In case you were wondering, we have long since put our days of violence toward each other behind us. He is forgiven and I hope that he has forgiven me for the times that I fought back. Scott is one of my biggest cheerleaders and I am proud to have an older brother like him. Enemies can become friends.

More to come.
Grace and peace,
CWillz

I am coming ever more surely to the conclusion that humans are very selective of whom we let into our weird little worlds. More properly, of the voices we allow to reach us and to what degree we will take seriously those voices that speak.  I was recently reminded why this is.

The tongue is powerful.  In Proverbs (a book in the Old Testament that was probably once used as a training manual for young people who want to be good at life in Israel) it is written that 

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit. (18:21)

Our words have an impact that often exceeds or expectations, both good and bad.

I am thankful for the many many people who, like Neil, speak life into me.

That is all.

May the Lord’s will be done and His peace be with your spirit,

CWillz

Lyrics:

There is a power in poverty that breaks principalities
It brings the authorities down to their knees

There is a brewing frustration and an ageless temptation
To fight for control by manipulation

The God of the Kingdoms and God of Creation, God of the Nations
Sent this revelation through the homeless and penniless Jesus the Son
“The poor will inherit the Kingdom to come”

Where will we turn when our world falls apart
And all of the treasures we stored in our barns,
Can’t buy the Kingdom of God?

And who will we praise when we’ve praised all our lives,
Men who build kingdoms and men who build fame, but Heaven does not know their names?

And what are we gonna fear,
When all that remains is a God on the throne with a child in his arms
And love in His eyes?

And the sound of His heart crying…

Take us way beyond religion
Way beyond the minds of man
Take us way beyond religion
Way beyond the minds of man
Take us way beyond politics and the ways of the world
Oh deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper,
We want to go deeper

Deeper into the ways of you Jesus
Teach us how to love, teach us how to love, teach us how to love,
Teach me, teach me how to love, teach me how to love
Teach us… teach us how to love

The world is wide open
The world is wide open
The world is wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
Teach us how to love
Teach us how to love
Teach us your ways Jesus
We want to walk in your truth

Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God
All of heaven is waiting on us
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
Were waiting
I hear all of creation crying, “We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”

Show us how to love

Stop Telling Us… That You’re The Chosen People,
Start Living Like A Chosen People

Jason, I’m calling your name
Bryan, I’m calling your name
I’m calling your name
I’m calling your name
I’m Calling your name

Every son and daughter in the Church today…
I’m calling your name
Teach them
Teach them

That my ways are far beyond the ways of man
My ways are far beyond religion
My ways, my ways, are far beyond one people
My ways, my ways, are higher than your ways
There higher than your ways, higher than your ways
There higher than your ways

Teach them how to love
The world is wide open
Teach us how to love

Calling on you…
Waiting on you

Sons and daughters, sons and daughters, sons and daughters
Of the living god

It’s time, it’s time
We are,
Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God

May the grace and peace of Christ be with you,

CWillz

Later, I made a passing comment about the farmland we were flying over and how its strange that some farmers get paid to not plant/grow so they could influence the market.

I was pleasantly surprised (only surprised because I wrongfully had negative assumptions) by his response.  He said, “We could feed the world if we wanted.”

I replied, “Yeah but you can’t make money feeding the world…and that might put a damper on your business a little bit.”

“Peace would be worth it,” he said in a tone that communicated that he both agreed with me, was ok with me assuming too much of him, and that he would love to see it happen.  I need to work on that bit about not assuming too much about people’s motivations…I think I have found the beginnings of the answer to the question posed in the title of this post.

Nations rage because the people that make them up are bad at getting along peacefully.  There is a song that is fairly popular for churches to sing these days called “The Lord Reigns” that alludes to how silly it is that we rage against each other when the Lord is on the throne.  Our creeds and scriptures tell us that God is in control of the nations, history, and is in the business of setting things right (if not in our time, there will be a day). So then why all the war, violence, and anti-creation continue?

My wrongful assumptions about this man may be the best start to an answer to that question that appears in Psalms 2.  Nations rage because we refuse to allow God to change our hearts.  Consider Paul’s words to some early Christians:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12

AND

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4

It seems to me  that peace among nations depends on the ability of the people that make up the nations to be at peace with each other.  The verse from Ephesians tells me how that is possible — Christ forgave me.  The hope for peace is allowing Christ’s forgiveness, gentleness, compassion on me to change me by showing it to other people — including not jumping to divisive conclusions about people who make money from wars…

Here is the conclusion of Psalm 2:

Serve the LORD with fear
and rejoice with trembling.

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry
and you be destroyed in your way,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him

May the grace and peace of Christ be with your spirit,

CWillz

As we sang and offered “crazy” prayers in between, I sensed that some of my younger friends were praying things that they wouldn’t pray for themselves.  Why should we expect God to open hearts and change lives in Fort Wayne without living in that freedom ourselves.

We took a moment to look at the 11th chapter of John‘s story about the Christ, in which Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, gets deathly sick and dies.  His family (also friends of Jesus) is heartbroken, and Jesus himself cries during the incident — both because he his saddened at the death of his friend and because to perform the miracle that he will perform will set off a series of events that will end in his own death.

4 days. Lazarus has been in the grave for 4 days.  That is longer than Jesus was in the grave. 4 days of decay, lifelessness(at least bodily).

Mary and Martha are Laz’s two sisters. Before Mary comes out of the house where she is grieving, Jesus tells Martha that Lazarus will rise again.  Assuming that this meant the eventual resurrection that will happen in the future at the culmination of history, she must be shocked when Jesus tells her plainly:

“I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

The resurrection comes at the end of time (or the beginning of the next phase of eternity); so how could Jesus say in such a strange way that he IS the resurrection, even before experiencing his own resurrection?  So strange.  Stranger maybe is Martha’s answer:

“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ,the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”

Good answer.  She knew Him, she knew what had been said about him during the centuries prior, and she will soon be shown more fully what all that meant.

The other sister, Mary, joins them as they head to the graveyard. Martha warns Jesus about the stench.  Death, human entropy.  The stings-the-nostrils-worse-than-sour-milk-plus-dirty-socks-and-burning-hair combined smell of death.  Jesus is not bothered.  He prays, thanking God for hearing him. Then he says loudly:

“Lazarus, come out!”

The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

The students began to name the stenches of death in their lives, pray for each other, and thank God for hearing them.

What a privilege it is to know the Christ, the son of the living God who was to come, came, and is to come. The Christ is is not afraid of the stench of our humanity.  He asks us to believe in Him so that we can see the glory of God (v. 40).  New life today in Him, and in the coming day of resurrection for everyone.

Resurrection and Life. Today and on that day.

May the Lord’s will be done,

Cwillz

drama drama drama, girl drama, drama, TEXT MESSAGE!

May the Lord’s will be done,

CWillZ

An abridged list of things for which I am thankful:

• I got to see new parts of the world including Japan and Montana
• I had a great time driving across the country in a VW Vanagon with my mom
• I met some really great people in Montana, especially people from SHEC
• I got to reconnect with my family that lives in Oregon
• Two of my cousins got married to good men who love Jesus
• My church and the great people involved there (they even let me become a member today)
• For the great classmates, professors, and staff I have met at George Fox Evangelical Seminary this fall
• That the Lord has given me some of the best friends in the world that are have been around for thick and thin
• That I have learned that pain is too costly to be wasted
• For health and provision
• That my brother gets to pursue his dreams and attend Fuller

Looking forward to another year!

May the Lord’s will be done,

CWillz