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Poetry I am proud of.

26 Jun

I did not write this.  One of my students did (originally posted here). She is great. I am proud and grateful to know her.

Time passes,

people change,

and feelings never stay the same.

Life goes on,

friendships die,

and there isn’t always someone to hold you when you cry.

In this life,

there are few,

that will love,

you for you.

Broken hearts,

can’t be fixed,

so stop trying,

all the tricks.

This is life,

dark and dull,

without a Savior,

to light your soul.

He won’t take,

away the pain,

but He will teach,

how a joyful life you may attain.

People hate,

friends lie,

but this is no justification,

for wanting to die.

If you can’t tell,

when love is true,

look to God above,

He is showing you.

His arms are outstretched,

to show you something new,

to give you something,

that alone you cannot do.

He wants to give you joy,

He wants to give you peace,

He wants to give you love,

in the midst of everything.

He cannot lie,

He cannot die,

and He can change,

you and I.

Dark will turn to light,

broken hearts will be renewed,

and the things we used to know,

will no longer be true.

He will teach you how to separate,

fact from fiction,

love from addiction.

He will help you stay strong,

through all the pain,

and through every rain.

This world isn’t perfect,

we shouldn’t even try,

because no matter what we did,

it would still be one big lie.

But now that I have Jesus,

I see a whole new light,

I am no longer blind,

I have a new set of eyes.

I’m smiling through the pain,

I’m dancing in the rain,

this is the life,

He has helped me to attain.

I choose not to lie,

I cannot die,

and now I want to share with you,

the love and joy i can call mine.

I am His follower,

He is my light,

and I’m going to show everyone,

just how bright I can shine!

On Being a Pacifist (part 2)

1 Jun

This is a continuation of a previous post. Please see that post for my function definition of pacifism.

An important part of how I have landed on being a pacifist involves my struggle with my identity and my country. Let me explain.

In the summer of 2007, I had an experience that continues to challenge me.  As a summer missionary, I spent close to four months crossing the Southern border of the United States while living principally in a small community on the outskirts of Juarez, Mexico.  As one can imagine, an extended amount of time in this infamous city would be nothing short of an education for a kid who was born and raised in the 11th safest city in these United States.

That summer, a line on a map and a fence guarded by guns served as reminders of the two worlds which I inhabited seemingly simultaneously.  6 days a week I slept on the dusty concrete floor of a church in the desert. 1 night a week I slept in an air conditioned room in the El Paso Econolodge.  6 days a week water was scarce, contaminated, and delivered by trucks. 1 day a week, water was taken for granted, showers were abundant, and wouldn’t make me sick.  6 days a week I prayed with my new friends for “daily bread”. 1 day a week the churches thanked God for His blessings.   One side of the fence afforded grass and football stadiums while the other had a concrete soccer slab with no nets.With friends in Juarez

The border, for the first time, became not solely a symbol of protection but much less. It was reduced to a hassle.  Going one way, I had to be sure to be carrying less than a certain amount of new merchandise per person in order to avoid taxes.  Going the other, I needed a passport, no plants, a consistent story, and sometimes a good deal of patience (they once X-rayed the entire bus!).   As I met more and more friends, my conception of what it meant to live on the border changed.  No one wanted to give up a life with their family, abandon their spouses, get a free pass, or even to cross the border if they could avoid it.  The majority of the people I met simply wanted to be able to earn a living wage, to be able to share life meaningfully with the people they cared about, and to leave your family better off than how you found it.  They knew the same thing I knew — the likelihood of accomplishing that goal was very diminished greatly because of the side of the fence they were born on.  From this I learned sympathy, but that barely begins to describe what I learned.

In our first week at our ministry site, we were invited to the home of a family in the community for a cookout.  It was here that I got my first taste of authentic Mexican cooking and hospitality alike. We enjoyed getting to know them.  I was fed a steak. So were my three other team members.  The family did not eat steak.  They simply wanted to give us the best they had and didn’t want to be noticed for it.  It would be weeks before I realized the sacrifice that family made to feed me well. They had been out of work for a while and medical problems jeopardized their future.  They had given without expectation. These people are the salt of the Earth, so why do they not get running water like I have?

I then met more and more of the community and church members.  We shared in the things of the Lord.  Pastor spoke of the calling the Lord has placed on his life and how the Lord had provided for close to 20 years every single need that his family and the church and Christian school had needed.  Several time during that summer we would pray for a specific need to be met, and it would be just in time.  One time, Pastor needed to drive into the city for a meeting and had no gas.  That morning a team member handed him a letter from her family in Puerto Rico with the exact amount for the trip. This was common.  It was as if I was watching the bush burn in front of my eyes and not be consumed.  I began to grasp the power of faith the size of mustard seed, even in the arid arrangements in which we lived.

This began the unraveling of my identity as an American Christian.  Granted, I am today still an American and also still a Christian.  But I must say that I find much more of my identity of in Christ than in being an American.  I’m not against America, but I consider myself a citizen of this nation by happenstance rather than choice.  It was then when I first began to be able to separate national progress, prosperity, and defense from the true call of God on my life.  I have one true, eternal, political allegiance and it is to the King who now rules and will one day rule entirely and before our own eyes.  Our kingdoms, constitutions, and policies will one day come to an end either in the course of human events or in that twinkling of an eye, so I do not consider it foolish to be a man who attempts at giving my allegiance to Christ the King and to make my primary interest in life to teach other about his Kingdom of grace and truth.

Christ holds my allegiance. Dismantling my identity and security as a citizen of the United Stated was simply another step in my path towards pacifism.  It is not so much the disgust at some of the specific injustices of US domestic and foreign policy and history that lead me to this point (although admittedly they DO exist).  It is the greater truth and beauty that Christ is already Lord of all and that his first and greatest command to love must take precedence.  My spiritual reorientation to Christ will have to be another post.

Grace and peace,

Cwillz

Baby You Can Buy My Car: 2008 VW Rabbit

11 May

Sweeeet Ride, Great Price. I’m selling to be able to faster accomplish a major life goal (become debt free!). I love this car, but I want to get SalleMae off my back…

For sale is my 2 door 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit.  Asking $13,000 OBO.
Featuring:

  • 21MPG City / 29 MPG Highway
  • 170 horsepower w/ 6 speed Automatic Transmission w/ Tipronic function (you can control shifting).
  • Heated mirrors
  • CD/mp3 player (for your mixed tapes road trip jams cd)
  • Aux sound hookup for mp3 player
  • Vented glove box (can blow AC into box)…not sure why, but would be good for insulin? eggs??
  • Cruise Control
  • One touch power windows (looks cool in the drive through)
  • Infrared night light (so you don’t dilate your pupils on stake-outs)
  • (2) Switchblade key fobs (easily the coolest key on the market)
  • (1) Valet Key (all ballas gotz 2 have one)
  • (2) Aux power sockets
  • (3) Cupholders (You know she’ll ask)
  • Back seats fold forward (at least 5 bodies)
  • Car Seat Anchors

As of this posting there are 33,728 miles on the car. The car is clean and in great shape. The paint is in good shape. There are a few minor dings and scuffs, but overall the car looks great. The windshield does have a “rainbow” scratch on the driver’s side from wiper.

The front tires are new (less than 3000 miles) and rear tires are at about 50%. Full size spare also about 50%.

Blue Book Value Link

Email is checked frequently or you can call or text 812.Three 74. Eight 154

cwillz [at] gmail . com

On the Tip of my Tongue is Life and Death

17 Sep

I just finished a long conversation with Neil, who is a good friend from college.  We lived within yelling distance of each other for four years, and now live in lands far, far away from each other.  It is good to catch up with him. Sure the conversation was our (mostly my) rants, observations about post-college life and circumstances and the resurrection of a few inside jokes (like how he throws up if he touches sticky hands or slimy things and quotes from Good Will Hunting).  BUT there is more to a conversation between good friends than that.

I am coming ever more surely to the conclusion that humans are very selective of whom we let into our weird little worlds. More properly, of the voices we allow to reach us and to what degree we will take seriously those voices that speak.  I was recently reminded why this is.

The tongue is powerful.  In Proverbs (a book in the Old Testament that was probably once used as a training manual for young people who want to be good at life in Israel) it is written that 

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit. (18:21)

Our words have an impact that often exceeds or expectations, both good and bad.

I am thankful for the many many people who, like Neil, speak life into me.

That is all.

May the Lord’s will be done and His peace be with your spirit,

CWillz

The World Is Wide Open – Jason Upton

2 Jun

I love this song.  Wanted to share.

Lyrics:

There is a power in poverty that breaks principalities
It brings the authorities down to their knees

There is a brewing frustration and an ageless temptation
To fight for control by manipulation

The God of the Kingdoms and God of Creation, God of the Nations
Sent this revelation through the homeless and penniless Jesus the Son
“The poor will inherit the Kingdom to come”

Where will we turn when our world falls apart
And all of the treasures we stored in our barns,
Can’t buy the Kingdom of God?

And who will we praise when we’ve praised all our lives,
Men who build kingdoms and men who build fame, but Heaven does not know their names?

And what are we gonna fear,
When all that remains is a God on the throne with a child in his arms
And love in His eyes?

And the sound of His heart crying…

Take us way beyond religion
Way beyond the minds of man
Take us way beyond religion
Way beyond the minds of man
Take us way beyond politics and the ways of the world
Oh deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper,
We want to go deeper

Deeper into the ways of you Jesus
Teach us how to love, teach us how to love, teach us how to love,
Teach me, teach me how to love, teach me how to love
Teach us… teach us how to love

The world is wide open
The world is wide open
The world is wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
It’s wide open
Teach us how to love
Teach us how to love
Teach us your ways Jesus
We want to walk in your truth

Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God
All of heaven is waiting on us
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
It’s waiting
Were waiting
I hear all of creation crying, “We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”
“We’re waiting”

Show us how to love

Stop Telling Us… That You’re The Chosen People,
Start Living Like A Chosen People

Jason, I’m calling your name
Bryan, I’m calling your name
I’m calling your name
I’m calling your name
I’m Calling your name

Every son and daughter in the Church today…
I’m calling your name
Teach them
Teach them

That my ways are far beyond the ways of man
My ways are far beyond religion
My ways, my ways, are far beyond one people
My ways, my ways, are higher than your ways
There higher than your ways, higher than your ways
There higher than your ways

Teach them how to love
The world is wide open
Teach us how to love

Calling on you…
Waiting on you

Sons and daughters, sons and daughters, sons and daughters
Of the living god

It’s time, it’s time
We are,
Sons and daughters of the living God
Sons and daughters of the living God

May the grace and peace of Christ be with you,

CWillz

Why DO the nations rage?

19 May

Sunday, on my way back from speaking at a youth retreat for BonAir Baptist – James River Campus’ youth group and was sardine can style seated next to another large guy on a small plane.  Between me drifting in and out of sleep, I learned that he was on his way to try and secure a contract with the military for the product/services he provides.  In my mind I thought it to be unthinkable to me to make my living off of wars, weapons, and bloodshed — I pretty much judged this man because of what he does.

Later, I made a passing comment about the farmland we were flying over and how its strange that some farmers get paid to not plant/grow so they could influence the market.

I was pleasantly surprised (only surprised because I wrongfully had negative assumptions) by his response.  He said, “We could feed the world if we wanted.”

I replied, “Yeah but you can’t make money feeding the world…and that might put a damper on your business a little bit.”

Peace would be worth it,” he said in a tone that communicated that he both agreed with me, was ok with me assuming too much of him, and that he would love to see it happen.  I need to work on that bit about not assuming too much about people’s motivations…I think I have found the beginnings of the answer to the question posed in the title of this post.

Nations rage because the people that make them up are bad at getting along peacefully.  There is a song that is fairly popular for churches to sing these days called “The Lord Reigns” that alludes to how silly it is that we rage against each other when the Lord is on the throne.  Our creeds and scriptures tell us that God is in control of the nations, history, and is in the business of setting things right (if not in our time, there will be a day). So then why all the war, violence, and anti-creation continue?

My wrongful assumptions about this man may be the best start to an answer to that question that appears in Psalms 2.  Nations rage because we refuse to allow God to change our hearts.  Consider Paul’s words to some early Christians:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12

AND

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4

It seems to me  that peace among nations depends on the ability of the people that make up the nations to be at peace with each other.  The verse from Ephesians tells me how that is possible — Christ forgave me.  The hope for peace is allowing Christ’s forgiveness, gentleness, compassion on me to change me by showing it to other people — including not jumping to divisive conclusions about people who make money from wars…

Here is the conclusion of Psalm 2:

Serve the LORD with fear
and rejoice with trembling.

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry
and you be destroyed in your way,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him

May the grace and peace of Christ be with your spirit,

CWillz

Jesus is not afraid of our humanity

14 Apr

A few weeks ago I was worshipping with some of my students while on a short mission trip with the Fort Wayne School of Urban Ministry.  We had been challenged during our time there to pray the impossible for God’s glory.  Students began to ask for some pretty crazy things for the community they had been serving in.  Good stuff!

As we sang and offered “crazy” prayers in between, I sensed that some of my younger friends were praying things that they wouldn’t pray for themselves.  Why should we expect God to open hearts and change lives in Fort Wayne without living in that freedom ourselves.

We took a moment to look at the 11th chapter of John‘s story about the Christ, in which Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, gets deathly sick and dies.  His family (also friends of Jesus) is heartbroken, and Jesus himself cries during the incident — both because he his saddened at the death of his friend and because to perform the miracle that he will perform will set off a series of events that will end in his own death.

4 days. Lazarus has been in the grave for 4 days.  That is longer than Jesus was in the grave. 4 days of decay, lifelessness(at least bodily).

Mary and Martha are Laz’s two sisters. Before Mary comes out of the house where she is grieving, Jesus tells Martha that Lazarus will rise again.  Assuming that this meant the eventual resurrection that will happen in the future at the culmination of history, she must be shocked when Jesus tells her plainly:

“I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

The resurrection comes at the end of time (or the beginning of the next phase of eternity); so how could Jesus say in such a strange way that he IS the resurrection, even before experiencing his own resurrection?  So strange.  Stranger maybe is Martha’s answer:

“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ,the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”

Good answer.  She knew Him, she knew what had been said about him during the centuries prior, and she will soon be shown more fully what all that meant.

The other sister, Mary, joins them as they head to the graveyard. Martha warns Jesus about the stench.  Death, human entropy.  The stings-the-nostrils-worse-than-sour-milk-plus-dirty-socks-and-burning-hair combined smell of death.  Jesus is not bothered.  He prays, thanking God for hearing him. Then he says loudly:

“Lazarus, come out!”

The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

The students began to name the stenches of death in their lives, pray for each other, and thank God for hearing them.

What a privilege it is to know the Christ, the son of the living God who was to come, came, and is to come. The Christ is is not afraid of the stench of our humanity.  He asks us to believe in Him so that we can see the glory of God (v. 40).  New life today in Him, and in the coming day of resurrection for everyone.

Resurrection and Life. Today and on that day.

May the Lord’s will be done,

Cwillz

Noah helps us understand women

10 Mar

Noah, a psychological prodigy at grade 8, explains the deep inner mind of early and mid adolescent female humans.

drama drama drama, girl drama, drama, TEXT MESSAGE!

May the Lord’s will be done,

CWillZ

Thank You Señor, My I Have Another (3)

30 Nov

It is time to list again the ways in which the Lord has blessed me this year.   This is the third year to blog my list. Check out the lists from 2008 and 2007.

An abridged list of things for which I am thankful:

  • I got to see new parts of the world including Japan and Montana
  • I had a great time driving across the country in a VW Vanagon with my mom
  • I met some really great people in Montana, especially people from SHEC
  • I got to reconnect with my family that lives in Oregon
  • Two of my cousins got married to good men who love Jesus
  • My church and the great people involved there (they even let me become a member today)
  • For the great classmates, professors, and staff I have met at George Fox Evangelical Seminary this fall
  • That the Lord has given me some of the best friends in the world that are have been around for thick and thin
  • That I have learned that pain is too costly to be wasted
  • For health and provision
  • That my brother gets to pursue his dreams and attend Fuller

Looking forward to another year!

May the Lord’s will be done,

CWillz

Jesus, Taxes, and Rich People: He knows the heart

28 Jul
If you are worried that this is going to be a post about economic theories and the all that, I assure you that it is not and you are safe to read on without having to sharpen any axes for the elephants or the donkeys.  This post is a commentary on two happenings in Luke’s account of Jesus’ life. To get the most out of this post, please read along with me Luke 18:18-19:9.

Luke chapters 18 and 19 contain two stories that when considered together are quite confusing.  They are known as “The Rich Ruler” and “Zacchaeus the Tax Collector”.   I’ve never considered the stories in relationship to each other, but looking at these stories, I am convinced that people would have been pretty pissed at Jesus for acting the way he did.  What do I mean? Well, He treats good people harshly and bad people kindly. Understatement. Here is the story:

The Rich Ruler – Luke 18:18-23

A certain ruler asked [Jesus], “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’”

“All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Let’s get the story straight. This rich ruler knew and kept all the Law’s commandments, even since he was a kid. That means he had never cheated anyone out of money and his riches were properly “his”, made either by simply the Lord’s blessing and a life of work in a clean conscience. Yet Jesus looks at him and gives him little hope at the eternal life.

There were people they that overheard what Jesus said and asked the natural question, “Who then can be saved?”

How many rulers and rich people get that way or stay that way by doing the right thing? This man had done everything the Law required, kept his nose clean, and Jesus still dealt harshly with him.  Who else stood a chance?

Jesus has his own way.  He is the King.  He answers the question in both word and deed.  The word is “What is impossible with men is possible with God“.  He describes how it is possible with God privately to his disciples in the next few verses. It is by his death and resurrection according to the scriptures that it is possible with God.

In fact, this power is demonstrated in an event that takes place between the two stories of the Rich Ruler and the Zacchaeus.  Jesus heals a blind guy:

As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord, I want to see,” he replied.

42Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” 43Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

Hold commentary on this bit for a while. Press on to Zacchaeus (yes this is the “wee little man”).

Zacchaeus the tax Collector

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a ‘sinner.’ “

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

I’m laughing just thinking about the contrast between the story of the Rich Ruler and Zacchaeus.  Jesus pretty much denies the Rich Ruler, who had done the right thing and kept the Law, even came to Jesus asking how to get eternal life. Yet with Zacchaeus, who had made his fortune swindling and coercing, Jesus almost gives him no option but to come into salvation.  I can just imagine the frustration of the people around these two powerful men.  In their eyes, the one who had never done anything to hurt them and was a good ruler was treated like dirt, and the one who had literally stolen money from them shared a meal and salvation with Jesus! Scandal!

Not fair! By their own merits, the man who deserved grace is seemingly denied, yet the one who deserved to be condemned had his whole house saved!

Observations:

1) Jesus decides on whom to show mercy.

2) Both men were sinners.  One believed it, the other did not.  The Rich Ruler thought there was something he could do to get eternal life.  He thought himself capable.  Jesus’ direction to him to sell everything and give it away would have reduced this man to nothing in his own eyes – and the ruler was unwilling to do it.  Zacchaeus knew that he was incapable of saving himself, and had even embraced embraced his sin (he knew exactly how much he had stolen!), yetwhen the Lord came to his house that the Lord could save him and it was a game changer.  His generosity did not earn his salvation – it was a fitting response to the grace the Lord showed him.

3) The Rich Ruler sought personal gain (eternal life, even with Jesus, can be desired selfishly).  The Blind Man sought to be able to see, but knew Jesus already to be the Messiah, and therefore capable. That is why he yelled out for the Son of David. Zacchaeus went out looking for Jesus, but it never says why.  Either way, He was looking, and Jesus came to him.

4) The conclusion of Jesus’ parable in 18:9-14 explains these stories better than I have:

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Did you make it all the way down here?

May the Lord’s will be done,

CWillZ


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